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ice cream

Discussion in 'Dear Diary' started by nungguibu, Apr 14, 2016.

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  1. nungguibu M V U

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    ngga tau udah pernah buat thread di sf ini apa belum.. lagi butuh tempat untuk rant dan facebook udah ga bisa dipake lagi untuk nge-rant karena beberapa hal


    1st entry
    April 14th, 2016

    Still have no idea what to do with my current life, everything seems to be okay yet it felt so empty everyday.. Insecurities and distrust towards people around me keep building up, and my life might be going down sooner than expected

    I felt so depressed, but there are few stuffs that keep me to live on. One of it is my obsession towards her. I know that she already has someone and that we are just a simple acquaintance.. a colleague. Being able to see her and talk to her everyday, it felt like a torture... yet I was still happy that she didn't avoid me. At this rate I might end up stalking her even more.. when I think about that I'm very scared that I might end up hurting her instead

    edit : oops salah tanggal
     
    Last edited: Apr 16, 2016
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  3. nungguibu M V U

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    2nd entry
    April 16th, 2016

    Today, I got hit by my high social anxiety all over again. How I wish I could stay confident like a normal person.. and I just noticed recently that I'm quite innocent and naive, how ironic because deep down I don't trust anyone at all. Sometimes I kept wondering whether I will be able to open my heart to others..

    I already found my answer few days back, and decided to be content with just being friend with her, as long as she still talks to me and not avoiding me.. but I just can't lie to myself that I felt jealous and paranoid every time I saw her busy with her phone. How I wish that I could just disregard everything and initiate some conversations with her.





    I HATE SATURDAY I LIKE YOU SO MUCH LIKE ITS THE VERY FIRST TIME THAT I TRULY WANTED TO GET CLOSE TO A GIRL AFTER 20+ YEARS SINCE I WAS BORN I WANTED TO TALK TO YOU SO MUCH I WANTED YOU TO RECOGNIZE ME I WANTED TO SEE YOUR FACE EVERYDAY I WANTED TO STARE AT YOU LITERALLY EVERY TIME 24 HOURS AND 7 DAYS BUT WHY AM I SO ******* COWARD AND TIMID AND WHY DID I FELL IN A LOVE TO SOMEONE THATS SUPER CUTE LIKE OUT OF EVERY FEMALE ACQUAINTANCE THAT I KNEW YOU ARE THE CUTEST GIRL EVER ALIVE OF ******* COURSE YOU ALREADY HAVE SOMEONE SINCE YOU ARE SO CUTE **** ME **** MY LIFE IVE BEEN WANTING TO SCREAM THIS EVER SINCE ONE YEAR AGO FROM THE VERY FIRST TIME WE MET EACH OTHERS BUT NO AS IF I COULD DO THAT AND EVERYONE JUST ASSUMED THAT I AM NOT GOOD AND WORTHY ENOUGH FOR YOU **** MY COLLEAGUE **** EVERY HAPPY COUPLE .............. im literally crying inside, i like you so much.
     
  4. nungguibu M V U

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    3rd entry
    May 2nd, 2016

    Sometimes I wonder why my everyday life was (and still is) so boring. I mask myself with poker face and tried to be cheerful and smile, sometimes act like some idiot, but am actually lonely. Someone, anyone, give me some attention please.. I'm dying, rotting inside with no one to talk to.

    I wonder when was the last time I truly felt happy? I feel so worthless and have no motivation to even do anything beside being a bum infront of computer, it even started to affect my current job. The last thing I wanted is to be a burden to everyone, but I ended up burdening alot of people especially my own family
     
  5. nungguibu M V U

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    4th entry
    May 3rd, 2016

    Not giving any fucks seems to be the best solution to everything
     
  6. nungguibu M V U

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    5h entry
    May 7th, 2016

    another fun saturday. at this rate i'd go insane
     
  7. nungguibu M V U

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    6th entry
    May 25th, 2016

    Was holding the urge to shout '******* STOP, ITS GETTING VERY ANNOYING. TAKE THE ******* HINTS AND KINDLY GET THE **** OUT, WHAT YOU DID WAS JUST ADDING MORE PROBLEMS TO MY ALREADY COMPLEX HUMAN RELATIONSHIPS. DID YOU EVEN TAKE INTO ACCOUNT WHAT I MIGHT FELT WHEN YOU DID ALL OF THAT?? ABOUT MY PERSONALITY?? ABOUT WHAT I TRULY WANTS??' Sigh, this might be the first time I'm getting THIS disturbed and annoyed irl. Please stop.

    Then again who am I to say that, because what I did was very similiar although I didn't have any intention to disturb that person anymore.. it took my everything to hold all of it.. alone.
     
  8. nungguibu M V U

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    7th entry
    May 28th, 2016

    God, this is so infuriating. How can I tell this person to **** off without being an ashole? I really should resign from this place asap.
     
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